Rant #9

Sometimes I used to laughed secretly
to people who said that they are scared at me
because i'm bekeng.
You know, we kelantanese choose to
say bekeng instead of garang.
Somehow I have no idea why would people
have that kind of perception on me.

Some people just don't dare to speak "freely"
to me since I have this bekeng face.
Its not my fault that I have this kind of face.
It's just that I don't smile a lot to random people.
It's hard for me to speak random topic with someone whom
I rarely meet in my daily life.
Okay. I admit that I'm not the friendly type of person.
I need quite a lot of time before I can really mingle around
with people.

Actually sometimes I feel safe.
Rasa selamat sebab dengan buat muka garang macam ni
bajet orang akan ada rasa gerun nak kacau whenever
I'm traveling alone.
So it's my kind of self defense lah.

This is actually my natural kind of face.
Sorry that I don't have that sweet type of smile that would melt
the frozen ice or the warm laugh that would give you warmth.
(wow ayat..nak bunga-bunga je.. *insert a smirk here*)

But I don't know lah.
Do I look that sombong in your point of view?
Cause I quite terasa la when someone that I consider as
a good friend, someone that I feel comfortable to
mingle around with don't even give me a glance
walaupun sebenarnya kita tengah lalu jalan yang sama.

So should I smile a lot like a crazy person after this
just to make sure people don't get the wrong idea
that I am actually not that bekeng?

Nahhh. I'll just stay as who I am.
I hate to say this but I memang ada masalah nak bergaul
mesra dengan orang ramai especially species lain gender nih.
Can I blame the fact that I went to all girls school
that I develop this kind of habit?
Bluerghhhhhh.

Btw umi was fine.
She got appendicitis and undergone an operation today.
I don't have the chance to speak to her yet but
since my sister said that everything was fine,
I guess I can sleep better tonight.
No more nightmares.
Hope there won't be any complication after this.