Comfort Zone

Someone said to me that later
after SPM she want to be like me.
The studying-oversea part I mean.

I don't regret my decision after choosing
"program luar negara" under JPA back then
but do YOU already think about this thing thoroughly?

I remembered the first time I got the offer letter
to study in a boarding school, my first reaction was
"Jauhnya umi. I don't want to study there".
Reality is, it's not that far from my house actually.
(45 minutes journey is considered quite okay right?)
However in the end, I went to that school and spent
5 years full of memorable experiences there.

So back to the main topic,
why do you want to study oversea?
Is it because it look cool?
Cause that is what I used to think before.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm not against the idea of your dream to study oversea.
Just a friendly message from me,
be ready to step out of your comfort zone.

Why earlier i mentioned that i don't want to study
in a boarding school?
Because I'm afraid to get out of my comfort zone.
You know how comfortable it is to live in your own house.
Everything you need is there.
Delicious foods, your own comfort bed, freedom to do
things to your likely and so on.
You know how different it is to live in a hostel.
Everything is just the opposite!

The same thing happen when you go oversea.
You live in a totally different world.
No mom and dad, no nasi lemak for breakfast,
no holidays for Eid, etc.

First thing that surprised me was the people.
Since I'm only 155cm, I think everyone is
very tall and big.
Especially the guys.
At first, I used to be a little scared of people
around me because in my eyes they are all
so tall and scary.
My imagination is doing a very good extra work that time.

One of the unpleasant experience I ever dealt
with was being called a terrorist and being teased as
"Arabic woman" by a group of drunk guys.
I was very scared because I was is a train full of drunk people
(they were celebrating about winning a football game earlier I think)
and some of them even fight among themselves.
Drunk people fighting and screaming in a train is not
something I usually see in my life before I came here.
 In fact I never meet any drunk guy in Malaysia
because being drunk is not something you
can see commonly among Malaysian.
Well at least for me.

Weh berjela dah aku tulis ni.

Lastly, of course there are many good memories
and nice experiences while being here.
But I'm sure you the always-berangan-girls
out there know what it is.
The snow, travelling, yadayada.

My advice is if you want to study oversea,
make sure you are ready mentally
(very important) and physically.
Seriously, be ready to step out from your comfort zone.

#Jasmaitusen.

Weird

I'm intrigued,
Sometimes baffled,
This feeling is enormous,
Strange yet I can't get enough of it.
The flavour keep mixing,
Blending the logic,
Grinding the rational mind to pieces.
Is this love or hate?
You left me bemused.

The Stare

1. The I-don't-know-you stare

I have this kind of stare whenever I'm walking alone
or in the tram, observing other people's outfit and
what they do. Of course not in the creepy way la.
The first glance is still okay right. Haha.

2. The I-need-to-see-you stare

Usually a lot of kids have this kind of stare.
They just keep looking at you as if you are an  ET
that just become earthling. I think maybe due to the
different skin color tone and the hijab that made us
look really weird in their eyes.
They just gonna see you as they passing by, tilt their head
a little when they got further and then tell their mommy
about our "uniqueness". Luckily you guys are so cute that
I don't mind being watched by your innocent stare XD

3. The judging stare

I really hate this neither being the one giving out
this kind of gaze to other people.  Fullstop.

4. The I-don't-want-to-talk-to-you stare

The simplest of its kind.
You just have to stare at other place and avoid eye
contact with the person that you don't wanna speak to.
This is the moment when you need to stare and think about
the abstractness of the completely blank white wall.
A very useful one especially when you have someone
you don't like coming in your way. Haha.

5. The can-I-just-go-home stare

The one that students often have when they are stuck in the
long monotonous lecture in the gloomy raining day,
about how Einstein got his theory of relativity idea.
Boring day ever -.-


Just because I don't feel like studying yet.
Cardio block is awesome.
Especially the session with Dr. Marek

Adik baby

Reminiscing the moment when i had
a conversation with my little sister last month.

One day she went to my aunty's house
to see our newborn cousin.
So when she came back i asked her
a few question for the sake of teasing her
of course. Haha.

Me : Adik tadi g rumah mak cik buat apa?
F : Tengok adik baby.
Me : Adik baby nama apa?
F : Adik baby nama baby la. Kan dia kecik lagi.
Me : La kalau besar nanti nak panggil apa?
F : Dah besar kita panggil kakak la pulak. Kalau kecik kita panggil baby.


Simpleton abes Farha ni.
Sometimes its great to be young.
No need to bother the world or its problem yet.

Now I miss home.  

Random video

So my youngest sister was playing with my phone few weeks ago.
Today I discover one of the random video that
she loves to record everytime she had my phone.

That video consist of me and my maternal grandma
having our little chit-chat about my life in Czech Republic.
Randomly picked moment. Haha. 

Then I realized one thing about that video.
My normal voice was quite high pitched.
I'm used to the fact that i had a high pitched voice
but i thought it only emerge when i'm screaming
to something or someone and not during
normal conversations as it appears to be. 

It was very funny listening to my own voice in that video.
Sorry friends. Never thought that my 'unique' voice was that terribel. 

Yes 'unique' indeed :P 

Ain't no Aphrodite

Ain't no Aphrodite 

Only a mere girl, 

Sitting at the corner of the world, 

Intimidated by sound of men,

Though they never care of her presence. 

Sometimes she wish to have a pair of wings, 

But too afraid to fall like the Icarus, 

Fall beyond the depth she could bear, 

Faint against the spike of adrenaline. 

She ain't Aphrodite, 

The goddess of love and beauty,

The world won't bow on her,

Nor they envy her. 

Only a mere girl, 

and she ain't Aphrodite. 

I nailed it

Alhamdulillah I'd finished all my
third year exams yesterday.
*smile from north to south pole*

This is my first time finishing all the exams
right on time, meaning I don't have to come
early to repeat the failed paper nor that
I go back home late.
Going back in the first week of July is early
for me compared to previous years.

I'm going back home tomorrow insyallah.
*insert coming home song here*
Super duper excited to see everybody!!!
and to eat the local foods as well. 

I'm quite emotional when Dr. Raska
sign my credit book yesterday.
Despite the period pain that start from the morning
and his sudden action of postponing our exam hour,
I feel blessed.

Rasa macam Allah dah kabulkan semua
doa-doa orang yang duk doakan kejayaaan sesama kita
selama ni. *wipe tears*

For someone who have always been the last(?)
person to complete every exams from my first year,
the same thing happen in second year and this
year magic happen!
Well magic do happen when you give the best
effort and a lot of dua'.
You are not expecting the fairy godmother to come
and swing that magic wand of hers to make sure you
pass every exams do you?

My mom was waiting nervously for my call that day.
She was so relieved when I told her the good news
and to my surprise she even called my sister that night
to tell her that I completed my third year.
See how happy she was. I'm so touched.
Love you mom. Without your moral support and dua'
I know I won't be able to go through all of this.
Many thanks to all my friends as well for your
positive words and encouragement whenever I'm not
confident to pass the paper or when I feel like giving up
everything to become a fulltime housewife. Haha.
You know who you are.
You deserve massive thanks from me and a hug maybe?
Hehe.

Despite all the hectic and busy weeks I actually learn
something during this chaotic exam period that is
"one don't simply busybody-ing other people's problem"
I thought what I shown was empathy but then I end up
being scolded.
Silly me.

I'm sorry if any of my words hurt you guys.
I'm always imperfect and there will be flaws
in my daily action.
Sorry from the bottom of my heart.
*sudden melancholic tone*

Eustress Distress

I've been quite silent for the past few days.
By silent I mean I refuse to meet people,
don't eat or sleep well, don't call my parents,
don't reply the massages and many more.
Lets just call it burnout syndrome due to
post-trauma stress.
Total mental exhaustion.

Stress can be divided into 2 categories.
Eustress is something you still can handle it.
Literally mean "good stress".
While distress is something that bring unpleasant
feeling and you can't handle it.

During stress many glucocorticoids are secreted by your body
and this can cause suppression of your immune system.
Thats why you can easily get disease when you are in the
state of depression.

So why am I rambling so much on this topic?
Because I is stress.
Simple.

I'm sorry if someone get piss off because
of my not-so-matang behavior lately.
My bad. I'm really really sorry.

Hall Of Fame - The Script feat. will.i.am (Lyrics)

Little thing

Homesick bergunung-ganang dah ni.
Sape homesick jugak angkat tangan.
Kita geng!

Nowadays small thing that someone close
to me do will bring the homesick mood in me.
For example, few days ago my little sister
(not so little anymore actually..haha)
changed her profile picture which has me in it.
Seems so insignificant for other people but for me
that small thing matter.
She miss me.
I miss you too.

In fact I miss everybody at home.
I miss  the smell of the fresh air in the morning,
and the small pasar malam that we have in our village.
Rindu juga nak mandi air yang super sejuk kat rumah.
Duduk kampung mana nak ada air panas.
We only have air sejuk yang super best mandi masa
tengah hari yang panas "ceng-ceng"
(just some kelantanese way of saying that its super hot day..haha)

Semua entry nak pasal homesick takpun stress for the exam.
Biarkan.

Tajuk dah macam lagu 1D kan.
Biarkan juga.

When they gather

One of my bau-bau bacang relative got married yesterday.
Since its school holidays now in Malaysia, all of my aunties
and uncles went there and apa lagi ber-gathering la nampaknya
semorang at our small house last night.
This is also the reason why I don't have the chance
to speak to my mom all day before my exam yesterday.
Haiya.

My father had 7 siblings and he is the second child.
Can you imagine the situation when all the 6
of them were gathering together?
(the youngest one need to work. haha)
Its super fun lah I tell you.
The same situation when it is raya time.
The hyperactive cousins, the talkative aunts
and the nenek that melayan je kerenah cucu.

My nenek brought about half a kilo of keropok
semalam and they finished it in a flash.
How I miss the moment where you can cook
and eat together, the jokes and the delicious foods.
Believe me my aunties were good cook.
*insert growling stomach sound here*

This is the challenge that you need to face once you
are studying super far from your homeland.
You only go back home once in a year.
But its okay lah.
I have about a month before
the holidays start okay.
Bertahan!

Exam fever

Exam fever is slowly approaching.
So I guess I should start making
some short notes on what to eat
when I'm going back in July.
Should I?
Because study seems to be the
only thing that I want to avoid right now.
Anything except study.

Bad isn't it.
I just hope that I can pass everything real fast
without any failure so I don't need to repeat
any paper.

Until I meet this :

Man is created of haste; now will I show to you My signs, therefore do not ask Me to hasten (them) on. (Az-Anbiya : 37)

He is truly the one that Knows everything.
He Knows His creation very well.
He Knows that people have the
I-want-everything-super-fast perangai.
We want things to go according to
what we plan and the pace that we desire.
Hah! Bang that.

Somehow we should realize that all of us
are slave to Him.
Its Him who Control what will happen in future.
Just like the malay saying,
"kita hanya merancang tapi Allah yang menentukan"

Kemain nak result cantik, tak payah repeat paper
tapi bila suruh solat for example kita suka-suka hati nak
lengah-lengahkan.
Then we ask Him to make everything easy for us.
We didn't even care to fulfill our duty to Him first.
*nangis*

Rant #14

Few days ago my sister massage me on facebook
telling me about my grandmother's plan this coming Ramadan.

My sister said that she gonna perform her umrah.
At first I was like, okay. Good then.
She had a chance to do the Hajj with my late grandfather
last time so this time she only gonna do the umrah.
I'm so happy to hear that.
(nak mintak doakan dapat jodoh cepat2 boleh dak? hahah)

Then what's the big deal?
It is a big deal because she gonna stay there for the whole
Ramadan and will only come back a week after Eid.
The thing is I'll only come back home the earliest maybe
during the first week of July.

We probably gonna meet each other only after Eid.
This is so sad. Who's gonna make ketupat as good as she
always do every raya this time.
Thinking about this ruined my mood a bit.
Eid won't be the same without the presence
of the eldest people in the family.
Its their presence that make the "mood" for raya.

Tapi takkan nak halang niat baik orang nak beribadah kan.
At least you still have your maternal grandmother Azira.
Rindu nak jumpa semua orang tahu.

Amsterdam Trip

I had a 4 days 3 nights trip to Holland
with some awesome girlfriends last week.

During our first day, we met two friendly Malaysian
aunties whom also traveling Amsterdam.
Guess what they gave us? Rendang!
Omaigosh jumpa rendang time tengah-tengah makan
kat bandar asing ni mana tak excited. Haha.
Feel like wanna cry because of the deliciousness
of the rendang that day.
Feel so Malaysia truly Europe. Haha.
Coincidently during that lunch hour,
there were so many Malaysian eating there as well.
Feel so homey even we were actually at a kebab shop.

At the evening after the kepoh us succeeded
searching for the bus that can take us to our hostel,
it turns out that the bus driver can speak Indonesian well. Hahah.
Another excitement. Can you imagine a mat salleh speak Malay
to you in their homeland? Happy of course!
His wife is an Indonesian so no wonder he can speak fluently.
He said 'semoga ketemu lagi' when we arrive at our destination.
So sweet la that uncle driver bus.

We went to The Dungeon (rumah hantu), Madame Tussaud,
Keukenhof (to watch tulip of course),  Iamsterdam "square"
near the Van Gogh Museum,
(i don't know exactly how they call that place)
Zannse Schans (a place with a lot of windmills) and
later pusing-pusing around our hostel in Volendam.
(I hope I'm not missing any of the places that we visited there)

There's a lot of museum there and we didn't enter any of them.
Why? I don't know.
Maybe because we don't really like the
"explain-the-abstract-drawing-yourself thingy kot".

Volendam is a fisherman village.
Gosh i really love this place,
You could see a lot of boats and yachts there.
It is super beautiful and tranquil place to live.
Jatuh cinta pandang pertama dengan Volendam.
Unfortunately this year Europe has a "cold" spring.
You can see flurries and snow in the morning.
However the freezing sea and seagulls was not
a bad scenery at all. (exclude the wind part)
But I think it would be better if they have a little sunshine.
Wish one day I could go there again.

One thing that I like about Holland is
the citizen can speak English well and very friendly.
We all tak habis-habis duk compare between Prague and Amsterdam.
Its like langit dengan bumi beza how people there react
with the tourists.

The best thing is we don't receive any
weird glance from people there.
Why weird glance?
Because we wear hijabs and hijab means you are a muslim.
You know how the westerns usually react when it comes to
Islam. Yada yada.
But we don't really feel alienated there.
Perhaps because Islam community is bigger there
in comparison with Prague muslim's community.
(maybe, i don't do any research actually)

But seriously, I like how the people there
look "brighter" and not like some people here
who look so "gloomy" most of the time.
Maybe they have different culture and way of life.
I don't know.

The only thing that pissed me off during our trip
is the public transport.
I understand that they have a lot of option for public transport
such as buses, taxis, even boats but I don't
get it why they have different schedule when its weekend.

We were so confused at first about why we need
to change from bus to a boat every time we need to go
to the city during weekend.
I mean there's a lot of buses that can bring you to the port
but I think they don't have a proper schedule about
which bus goes where at that time.
As a tourist you wouldn't want to take the wrong bus
because thats just gonna delay our journey.
I don't know about the other girls but this things
sometimes pissed me off.
Why can't you have the same schedule for public transport
no matter if it is weekdays or weekend? Pfttt.
*bebel*

The journey was actually really exciting.
This trip was one of the best trip I ever had.
(padahal tak banyak jalan sangat pon macam orang lain)

Thank you girls for the masam-masam manis
memories. I'll keep that in my heart forever.
Promise.

note : did I mention that we have two tests the week after the break? I'm so not in the mood to study. In fact, next week pon ada dua tests. Kbai.

Rant #13

Sometimes panjang angan-angan ni tak bagus juga.
Especially when it comes to future.
Banyak berangan pasal masa depan
tapi kurang berbuat in the present time.
No good Azira. No good.

Contoh, berangan nak kawen dengan
anak raja tapi tak pernah practice
macam mana nak hidup as a princess.
Ingat senang nak masuk royal family?
*insert bunyi gagak pulang petang here*

Nak berangan sepatutnya kena ada strategy.
Why?

Sebab kita tak nak angan-angan tu nanti jadi kosong.
Bila berangan sepatutnya kena set aim and steps
on how to achieve the aim.
Baru tak jadi macam angan-angan mat jenin.
Got it?

note 1 : Amsterdam was awesome. I wish I could go to Volendam again in future.
note 2 : Esok test Pathology nak jawab apa ni Azira? -.-
note 3 : Stuck - Stacie Orrico

Talkative

Called home this morning and spoke
to my younger sister.
Lets just call her KC (kak cik).

We greet each other like usual
and then suddenly she started her rambling about
how her life is going on now, her exam's result,
current situation st school and so on.

Then suddenly I realized that I'm the only one
who had been listening, sometimes nodding
(as if she could see me through the phone. haha)
and asking a few short questions
while all she did was talking non stop.
She talked most of the time during that approximately
half an hour conversation.

Now I realized that KC and my older sister
have something in common.
You girls talked a lot.
Except that my older sister talk and nag (a little).
This kind of thing happen almost all the time
when I call home. Haha.
But its okay.
Since you are my siblings, if someday i find that
your rambling annoy me I can just tarik you rambut
and ask you to be quiet right? :D

note : everybody gonna be home soon. me is so jealous.

Rant #12

I got the result for the test that I had
two weeks ago.
The teacher said that since most of us
got it bad so she lowered the passing mark
for the test.
It should be 15/20 (I guess) but if you had
14/20 she already considered that you passed.

The moment when I heard that,
I was like..omaigosh! ko kalau x pass
jgk this time x tahu la azira.
Plis don't let it be that I have 13.5
*monolog*

Guess what? I did. I got 13.5 tepat. *sigh*
I'm really bad when it comes to
"kipas-kipas cikgu to get extra point" thingy.
Tak pernah menjadi nak dapat extra point.

Jadi mari lah kita start study pathology balik
since laju je tadi pegi book date nak repeat
the test next week right after czech lesson.
After keluar kelas baru teringat nak kena
buat presentation sebenarnya untuk czech tu.
Nice.

note 1 : can't wait for amsterdam this easter.

Rant #11

One of the thing that I find as hard to
understand is man.
Gosh! they are just so complicated
and complex creature.

I don't have many male friends
cos I find that its more comfortable to
have friend with the same gander as I am.
Plus, I'm from an all-girls school, so of course
most of my friends are female.
Not that I'm feminist. No guys.

Back in my home, we only have 3 males
in the house. Abah, Amir and Ikmal.

To be honest, I rarely understand abah.
He's not that responsive to me.
Idk why. Maybe because I'm not that responsive
to him as well kot.
I always have an "inferior" feeling whenever
I am suggesting something to him.
I have the feeling like he might not like the idea and
somehow will ignore it.
I don't know why la. (repetition identified!)
Maybe due to lack of communication from the start.
Not his fault la. My fault sebab everytime call rumah
bukan nak bercakap dengan abah.
Mak juga yang dicari.

He's the type that would sit back and keep quiet
for a while before he decides on some issues.
I like that quality in him cos it shows that he's
a good leader to the family. Berfikiran jauh. Hehe.

As for Amir and Ikmal, these two are my younger brothers.
These two guys, I don't understand them at all.
I can't even guess what's in their head.
I'm not sure if distance should take the blame.
Communicating with kak chik and farha are easier
than with these two boys.

I don't know whether I should scold them for their
naughtiness or just take it as a joke.
Since they are boys, whenever something happen
I always give myself an excuse that the fact that they are male,
so they different way of thinking than us the girls.

So I end up kesian nak marah-marah them or being a kepoci
asking a lot of questions even I have so many to ask actually.
I'm afraid they would feel uncomfortable and think
that I'm such a nuisance to them.
I hate being the typical woman who question a lot
and want to know everything.
But sometimes I do question them jugak.
Just for fun. Who else can I annoyed if its not my
own siblings kan. Haha.

Somehow I love Amir the most. (Ikmal as well)
His jokes always made my day.
There's one person here who always remind me of Amir.
But no I don't love him la. Haha.
It's just that you make me feel happy with your jokes.
That's all.

Motif tulis panjang-panjang?
Sebab rindu la. What else could it be.
July come faster.
I miss home.

Bad sister.

I should really go home right now.
Today one of my friend ask me
how many siblings do I have and I answered 5.

The truth is I have 6 siblings! Gosh.
Such a bad sister I am.
So lupa daratan. Its not even a year that I'm away
from them and yet I forgot everything.
I have 3 sisters and two younger brothers.
How can I ever get confused of that fact.

More reason to go back early this year right? Hehe.

The tests were quite well la today. No as bad as i imagine it would be. Love you Dr. Vesely. 😁

Rant #10

I don't realize when and why that I
I have this bad habit.
The desire to update something here
whenever I have important thing to do in that week.
Bad la since I have two tests tomorrow and
here I am, blogging.

Nevermind la kan.
Stress melampau won't make your study
effective sangat pun. Cewahhhh.

So this is the feeling of being a third year
student in a medical school.
Tired. It doesn't matter which course
you are studying now.
When it comes to study, everything is tiring
and need a lot of sacrifice.
Kalau tak berlambak la orang jual sijil degree
tu kat pasar malam.

It took me quite a while to adapt with the busy schedule.
I think its getting better kot cause I whine less than when
its the first week of the semester.
Quite an achievement la for me.
I like this one quote that I found on twitter
few weeks ago.

If I give up, then I never really wanted it from the start. 

If I continue being lazy than I never really aimed for success 

-AS 

Happy study Azira.
This all gonna be so worth it in future.
Be patience.



note 1 : I love Pathophysiology. Dr Jan as well. So be nice esok plis cikgu >.<
note 2 : I miss abah. Studying pathology reminds me to abah a lot. Idk why.

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?

Jealous

I easily got jealous with my oldest sister.

Due to some reasons abah usually
listen to anything that come out of her mouth
better than what i say.
Am I speaking nonsense or
because she always has the so called
"idea yang bernas" abah?

I also got jealous because she is confident
in everything.
For example, I really hate it when I have to go
to the bank because that means I need to speak
to the bank's officer.
Its kind of uncomfortable for me to speak
to strangers.
It feels like that I have thousands of butterflies
in my stomach that even the HCl can't afford to
kill all of them.
But I think things are better now.
I don't feel really nervous or burdened
to speak to stranger thanks to her.
I mean, how long you gonna depend on someone
else when you actually can do it by yourself.
The only thing that you need is "courage".

I don't know why I'm writing this random post
about you sis. Haha.
Maybe because I miss you.
I miss everybody at home.

Rant #9

Sometimes I used to laughed secretly
to people who said that they are scared at me
because i'm bekeng.
You know, we kelantanese choose to
say bekeng instead of garang.
Somehow I have no idea why would people
have that kind of perception on me.

Some people just don't dare to speak "freely"
to me since I have this bekeng face.
Its not my fault that I have this kind of face.
It's just that I don't smile a lot to random people.
It's hard for me to speak random topic with someone whom
I rarely meet in my daily life.
Okay. I admit that I'm not the friendly type of person.
I need quite a lot of time before I can really mingle around
with people.

Actually sometimes I feel safe.
Rasa selamat sebab dengan buat muka garang macam ni
bajet orang akan ada rasa gerun nak kacau whenever
I'm traveling alone.
So it's my kind of self defense lah.

This is actually my natural kind of face.
Sorry that I don't have that sweet type of smile that would melt
the frozen ice or the warm laugh that would give you warmth.
(wow ayat..nak bunga-bunga je.. *insert a smirk here*)

But I don't know lah.
Do I look that sombong in your point of view?
Cause I quite terasa la when someone that I consider as
a good friend, someone that I feel comfortable to
mingle around with don't even give me a glance
walaupun sebenarnya kita tengah lalu jalan yang sama.

So should I smile a lot like a crazy person after this
just to make sure people don't get the wrong idea
that I am actually not that bekeng?

Nahhh. I'll just stay as who I am.
I hate to say this but I memang ada masalah nak bergaul
mesra dengan orang ramai especially species lain gender nih.
Can I blame the fact that I went to all girls school
that I develop this kind of habit?
Bluerghhhhhh.

Btw umi was fine.
She got appendicitis and undergone an operation today.
I don't have the chance to speak to her yet but
since my sister said that everything was fine,
I guess I can sleep better tonight.
No more nightmares.
Hope there won't be any complication after this.

I Cry.

I used to cry a lot.
Its kind of a therapy for me.
Whenever I find something
stressful or sad, I cry.
Especially when I'm in this foreign
land so called Czech Republic.
Yes I do have plenty of
friends but nothing can beat
feeling bila dah puas nangis tu.

Today I cried again.
I think this is the second most teruk
part of nangis kat sini.
My umi was admitted to the hospital
this morning.
She complained about her abdominal pain
but the doctors are still not sure about the
diagnosis yet.
She was transferred from Hosp. Jeli
to Hosp. Tanah Merah this afternoon
to meet the specialist.

I was in the lecture hall when
my sister text me regarding my umi.
I was very shocked yet I can do nothing.
I wrote everything which was on the slide
with zero understanding.
I  felt blanked during the whole class.
Its was so hard to maintain your composure during
that kind of situation. *insert tears*

My umi is the kind of person that tried her best
not to put her children under nonsense fear.
When I'm in form 3 she got into an accident
and broke her arm.
The doctors bandaged her arm and told her to
rest. But that week when she came to visit me in the
hostel, her bandage was gone.
She casually told me that she got into an accident
and her arm hurts. That's all.
When I went back home for pulang bermalam
that month then only I knew that she can't even
move her hand properly yet.
She didn't wanna let me see her bandaged arm
because it might make me worry.

So do you understand now why I cried a lot
upon hearing this news?

I want the pahala of taking care of my sick parent as well. *insert tears again*

Her story. Again.

Yesterday i called my mom and we were
having a random conversation as usual.
Its about 7:30 pm in Malaysia.
My bad for calling her at that time.
Tak sedar pun tu time maghrib. Main call je.
Tu pun sebab mak cakap dekat
hujung2 conversation tu.
Sorry for the inconvenience mom.
Your daughter is such a bad girl
when it comes to right timing.

Alkisahnya masa tengah berbual tu
tiba-tiba my mom tegur my 6 years
old sister,

"eh eh nak buat apa tu? Nak tido dah?
Jangan tido lagi. Nak makan nasi dulu x?"

Pernah dengar lagu Breakeven yang
Maddi Jane tu cover tak? Lyrics dia more or
less like this la,

"what am i gonna do when the best part if me was always you".

Yes you mom. The best part of me was always you.
Siapa lagi yang show such a great concern over every single
things that we do other than mom right.

Rindu.

Baru teringat.

Remember last time when I said
that I'm very annoyed with people
who gave bad comment about my room?

Well today i've been thinking
about one of the incident that
happened last month.
I was looking at the pictures of one
of my friend punya sister wedding.

Suddenly I said,

"eh akak kau ni keje apa? Nampak gaya cikgu2."

Then she replied,

"oh akak aku accountant".

During that time i don't think that my
comment tu offensive pun.
But when i think about it again,
baru rasa macam
"eh kau kenapa nak komen orang macam tu".

Who am I to judge and say things
about people appearance kan.
(Teachers don't feel offended. You guys are cool).

My point is first kena selalu berlapang dada
bila orang bagi comment or pandangan
kat kita. Secondly, watch your tongue.
I mean my tongue.


Note 1 : Biasala. Musim2 exam ni memang
rajin nak menaip instead of reading the books.

Cuba nak kawal composure.

Sometimes no news is good news.
Contohnya bila hal-hal berkaitan
kaum kerabat terdekat aka family la.

Today I was told two bad news
about my granny and aunt.
My aunt faint due to hypertension
and pasal nenek pulak tak dapat tahu
cerita sebenar bcos i didn't call home yet.
But I was told that both are sick.

Faham tak perasaan bila tiba-tiba dapat tahu
pasal ada family member yang sakit ni?
Tak tenang. Buat semua benda pun mesti nak
fikir pasal diorang.
Dulu arwah atuk pun meninggal time2 mcm ni la.
Musim exam.
Bukan nak fikir yang bukan-bukan but
I'm only stating the fact.
Musim exam ni lain sikit dugaan dia.

I'm very close to my aunt.
Siap dah janji nak masakkan nasi dagang
as the first thing when i come back home this summer.
Even mulut dia bising tapi hati baik ok.
Baik gile! One of the kindest aunt that I ever have.

Sedih!

Sebal

Satu benda yang buat rasa sebal dalam hati
is bila orang datang bilik and komen
macam-macam kat bilik kita.

"oh ini ke biliknya. kecik jugak eh"

Rude tak? Rude ok. Its like ko macam
tengah judge dia melalui keluasan tempat
tinggal dia. I found this as irritating and
very very annoying.

Satu lagi silap bila ada orang
cakap benda ni time2 dekat nak exam.
Sensitif tahu. You are not even Eric Leong.

Bilikku syurgaku.
Ever heard of this saying before?
=.=

Loser.

Faham tak feeling fail test Czech?
Rasa loser gila weh.
Czech yang sepatutnya senang
nak lepas tu pun boleh kantoi fail.
Loser sangat ni Azira.

Lain kali baca betul-betul even awak
tu tak minat bahasa ni.
Awak ingat dia suka sangat kat awak?
Tak pasal-pasal nak kena repeat test ni
padahal exam satu pun tak setel lagi ni Ajira.

Adoi!!!

#NYR

Hi.

First entry for 2013 :D
So a lot had happened last year.
Some are good and some are bad.
My family and friends are great.
Lost my late grandfather.
Finish all my exams.
Ups and downs with study but alhamdulillah
I can say that He gave me everything that i need.

I came up with a few new year resolutions
but in the end I think there's a few things that
hadn't been accomplished last year.
So I decided to keep some of them this year.

I wish I will read more.
Not the medic stuff but other things.
Something not related to medicine.
John Grisham, some seerah, and a few
motivational book.

I wish that i could finish Raheeq Makhtum
by the end of this school year so during the summer
I can read another book.

Why reading? because someone said to me
that leaders are readers.
The more you read, you will eventually feel
that you know nothing.
Praise to Allah who had the Greatest Knowledge
among all of us. Our Creator.

Till then, bye.
Happy New Year! :D